I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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