its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
