I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
