I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
