Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
