he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
