Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
