Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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