i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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