You're so nebulous sometimes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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