You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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