I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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