I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
