Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
