Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my being single is dangerous.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
