I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
