Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
