I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
