i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
