so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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