please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
