I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
