apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
