Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
