Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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