pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
