i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
