if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
