She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
