I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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