Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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