so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
