So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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