well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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