my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
