I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
