honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
