i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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