i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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