I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh god the rape fog is back!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
