i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
