hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
