i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
