don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
