i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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