Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Green mimosas i think yes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
