is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
