I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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