You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
