i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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